'Breviated Medicul Dickshunnary!

Adenoids - (n) Space critters whut are keepin' Elvis alive on Pluto
Anesthesia - (n) Rushun princess y'all red 'bout in skool.
Antacid - (n) aloosinagenic drugs uzed by itty bitty bugz.
Bowel - (n) A alfabit letter lyke A, E, I, O, or U or why?
Bronchitis - (n) dinosour frum the plastikseen age; extinked.
Catscan - (v) lukin' fer hookers (don y'all do this)
Cauterize - (v) makin' eye contak with a hooker (berry dangerous)
D & C - (n) Warshingtun; whar the weirdos, purvurts, & kongress type peepul live.
Emema - (n) sumone who ain't never no frend no how
Fester - (n) yer unkles name (mos likelee)
Genital - (n) head of a army, fer sample, Genital Robert E. Lee
Heart - (v) when u cauz pain to some1
Hypodermic - (n) huge, big, fat zoo crittur; mostly live in de woter
Mamogram - (n) short note sent 2 yer ma er other female
Papsmear - (v) when peepul sez veri ugli things bout yer pappy
Recovery - (n) place wear yew fix up yer fernitur 
Rectum - (v) whut happenz when yew drive yer pick up truck
Drunk seizure - (n) Emperore of Rome.
Series - (n) tv continuin show, fer sample, Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C.
Testicles - (n) books of the Bible
Tumor - (n) how many beers yew can drink after last call
Urine - (v) xact oppisyte of yerrout

Can't Remember

Patient: Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.
Doctor: When did you first notice this problem?
Patient: What problem?

The Blind Man and the Fork

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down .The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakingly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me?  I'm the blind man."  "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the Macaroni and cheese with broccoli. Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in, he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man."  Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."  The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here?"