New Psychiatric Sign

Q: What sign do you find on the door to the psychiatric ward?
A: "Please do not disturb further."

Strokes

Apparently the 'Stroke Ward' in a hospital isn't a human petting zoo.

Psychiatric Hotline

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.