I'm Invisible

Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I'm invisible. Psychiatrist: What!...who said that?

Smart House

Seventy year old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with great results. Dr. Smith said, "George everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally, emotionally and are you at peace with your self and have a good relationship with God?" George replied, "God and I are tight. We are so close that when I get up in the middle of the night, *poof* ...the light goes on and I go to the bathroom, then *poof* the light goes off!" "Wow," commented Dr. Smith, "That's incredible!" A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Thelma," he said, "George is just fine. Physically he's great. But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and the light goes on in the bathroom and then the light goes off?" Thelma replied, "Oh sweet Jesus! He's peeing in the fridge again!"

The Results of the X-ray

Patient: Doctor, what does the X-ray of my head show?
Doctor: Absolutely nothing!