Who am I!?

I once had a friend who was a renowned clinical psychologist. He used to tell me about all the patients he had seen. One of the most interesting cases he told me about involved a schizophrenic with multiple personality disorder. At times this person believed himself to be a temptress in a Bizet opera. At other times he was convinced that he was the head of the German Luftwaffe in WW II. The consensus of the practitioners was that the poor fellow didn't know if he was Carmen or Goerring...

Roses Are Red

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, And so am I.

Rich Man's Unfortunate Daughter

One day, a guy was approached by a rich man who said, "If you marry my daughter, I will give you my house and all of my money." Sure enough the guy says yes. The rich man then warned him that his daughter had been in a terrible car accident and was a little messed up, both physically and mentally. The guy figures she couldn't be that messed up and doesn't change his mind. So he married the girl -- who was that messed up -- and on the honeymoon, instead of having to look at her, he put a paper bag over her head when they were having sex. And the guy used the bag every time they had sex after that
One day, while the guy was doing some work around the house, he dropped his hammer and said, "Honey, can you get the hammer for me?" The wife shuffled around muttering, "Huh? Get the hammer, get the hammer, get the hammer," and finally picked it up. After she gave it back to him, he dropped the box of nails and asked, "Honey, can you get nails for me?" She went to fetch it, mumbling, "Huh? Get the nails, get the nails, get the nails." She hands him the nails and he goes back to work.
While the guy is hammering a nail, he accidentally struck his thumb and shouted, "Aww, fuck!" The wife says, "Huh? get the bag, get the bag, get the bag...."