Big Chief, No Fart!

There is an old Indian Tribe in the Amazon and their chief is getting old and a new, young challenger wants to be chief. So, the wise man of the tribe decides that whoever produces the loudest fart in a week will be chief. The first few days pass and neither the chief or his young rival have farted. The wise man emerges and says, "Big Chief no Fart." The next day a truck load of baked beans arrives for the Chief, but at the end of the day the wise man says, "Big Chief no Fart." The next day, three truckloads arrives for the Chief, but again the wise man comes out and says, "Big Chief no Fart." The Chief is becoming frustrated and orders an army of trucks loaded with baked beans. At the end of the day the wise man comes out and says... "Big Fart, no Chief!"

Cervical Smear

Q: Why is a cervical smear called a cervical smear?
A: Because women wouldn't do them if they were called cunt scrapes.

Test Results

My doctor told me I had liver disease.
Better than having dier disease I suppose.