The Sick Coffin

A funeral procession was winding it's way to the cemetery on top of the hill outside town, when the hearse hit a bump.  The coffin was bumped loose, fell out onto the road and began sliding back toward town down a steep hill. It slid faster and faster. Finally, it reached the town and was skidding its way down Main St. when suddenly, at one intersection, the coffin hit a curb, flew onto the sidewalk, smashed through the front glass window of the pharmacy, and slammed up against the prescription counter.  The lid popped off, the corpse sat up and said, "You got anything to stop this coffin?"

Psychiatrists and Patients

Q: How do you tell the difference between the psychiatrists and the patients at the mental hospital?
A: The patients are the ones that eventually get better and go home!

Last Meal

An infamous killer is on death row. He is allowed one last meal an hour before he dies. So the guy asks if he can have his favorite food. He wants Mexican. The guards give him what he wants. An hour goes by and it is time for his death. One guard asks if he had any last words. The guy replies, "Yeah... pull my finger."