A Man is Diagnosed with HAGS

A man goes into the doctor's office feeling really bad. After a thorough examination the doctor calls him into his office and says "I have some bad news. You have HAGS."  "What is HAGS," the man asks. "It's Herpes, AIDS, Gonorrhea, and Syphilis" says the doctor.  "Oh my God!" says the man, "what are you going to do!?!"  "We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and pizza."  "Is that going to help me?" asks the man. "No," says the doctor, "but it's the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door!"

Positivity in the Ghetto

Q: What's the only positive thing about living in the ghetto?
A: Pregnancy tests.

Poop Definitions

Ghost Poop: You feel the poop come out, but there is no poop in the toilet.
Clean Poop: You poop, it's in the toilet, but there's nothing on the toilet paper.
Second Wave Poop: You're done pooping and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, but something tells you you're not done.
Gassy Poop: Everyone within earshot is giggling.
Corn Poop: Self-explanatory.
Wet Cheeks Poop: (The power dump) Comes out of your butt so fast, your cheeks get splashed with water.
Upper Class Poop: This poop doesn't smell.
The Dangling Poop: This poop refuses to drop, and you just pray that a shake will do it.