Stone Rx

My husband said his doctor told him that I could suck out his kidney stone. After three days of trying, I think he lied to me.

Blond medical terminology

• Artery -- Study of paintings
• Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria
• Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails
• Bowel -- Letter like A.E.I.O.U
• Caesarean section -- District in Rome
• Cat scan -- Searching for kitty
• Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
• Colic -- Sheep dog
• Coma -- A punctuation mark
• Congenital -- Friendly
• D&C -- Where Washington is
• Diarrhea -- Journal of daily events
• Dilate -- To live long
• Enema -- Not a friend
• Fester -- Quicker
• Fibula -- A small lie
• G.I. Series -- Soldiers' ball game
• Grippe -- Suitcase
• Hangnail -- Coathook
• Impotent -- Distinguished, well known
• Intense pain -- Torture in a teepee
• Labor pain -- Got hurt at work
• Medical staff -- Doctor's cane
• Morbid -- Higher offer
• Nitrate -- Cheaper than day rate
• Node -- Was aware of
• Outpatient -- Person who had fainted
• Pelvis -- Cousin of Elvis
• Post operative -- Letter carrier
• Protein -- Favoring young people
• Rectum -- It almost killed him
• Recovery room -- Place to do upholstery
• Rheumatic -- Amorous
• Scar -- Rolled tobacco leaf
• Secretion -- Hiding anything
• Seizure -- Roman emperor
• Serology -- Study of knighthood
• Tablet -- Small table
• Terminal illness -- Sickness at airport
• Tibia -- Country in North Africa
• Tumor -- An extra pair
• Urine -- Opposite of you're out
• Varicose -- Located nearby
• Vein -- Conceited

Whose Turn Is It?

There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL," and farts loudly. The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at the drunk and says, "Excuse me, you just farted before my wife." The drunks replies, "I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."