Cosmo Quad Turbo RX-7

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 2005 Bugatti Veyron 16.4.  It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it sets him back $1.24M.
He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light.  An old man on a moped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him.
The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"
The young man replies "A 2005 Bugatti Veyron 16.4. It cost $1.24M."
"That's a lot of money" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?"
"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly.
The moped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside?"
"Sure," replies the owner.
So, the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right!"
Just then, the light changes, so the guy decides to show the old man what his car can do.  He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 320 MPH.
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It seems to be getting closer!  He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoossh!  Something whips by him, going much faster!
"What on earth could be going faster than my 16.4?" the young man asks himself.
Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him.  Whoooooosh!  It goes by again, heading the opposite direction!  And, it almost looked like the old man on the moped!
"Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a moped outrun a Bugatti?"
Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror!  Whooooosh Ka-BbblaMMM!  It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end.
The young man jumps out, and good grief, it is the old man!!!  Of course the moped and the old man are hurting for certain.
He runs up to the dying old man and says, "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?"
The old man groans and replies "Yes. Unhook my suspenders from your side-view mirror!"

Lung Transplant

Q: What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant?
A: The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm...

Dyslexic Nurse

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. "She's incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards."  said one doctor. "Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of Percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours.  He nearly died on us!"  The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy nearly exploded!"  Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall. "Oh my God!", said the first doctor, "I just realized I told Nurse Jenny to prick Mr. Smith's boil!"