Breeding Problem

A Soviet woman comes to a gynecologist and complains: "Doctor, when I wasn't married, I had six abortions, and now that I'm married I can't get pregnant." "Well" said the doctor, "It's possible you don't breed in captivity!"

Who am I!?

I once had a friend who was a renowned clinical psychologist. He used to tell me about all the patients he had seen. One of the most interesting cases he told me about involved a schizophrenic with multiple personality disorder. At times this person believed himself to be a temptress in a Bizet opera. At other times he was convinced that he was the head of the German Luftwaffe in WW II. The consensus of the practitioners was that the poor fellow didn't know if he was Carmen or Goerring...

Roses Are Red

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, And so am I.