Constipation

A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm constipated." The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean over the table. "The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, and then sends him into the bathroom. He comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I feel great. What should I do?" The doctor says, "Stop wiping with cement bags."

Why Girls Don't Fart

Q: Why don't little girls fart?
A: Because they don't have assholes until they're married.

Light Bulb - Schizophrenic

Q: How many schizophrenics does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Well, he thinks it's five but as we all now it's only him, so...