Lawyer Gives Good and Bad News

"I have good news and bad news," the defense lawyer says to his client. "What's the bad news?" The lawyer says, "Your blood matches the DNA found at the murder scene." "Dammit!" cries the client. "What's the good news?" "Well," the lawyer says, "Your cholesterol is down to 140."

Virgin Mary PMS

Q: How do you know the Virgin Mary had PMS?
A: Because she rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem.

If Men Got Pregnant...

1. Maternity leave would last two years....with full pay
2. There would be a cure for stretch marks.
3. Natural childbirth would become obsolete.
4. Morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem
5. All methods of birth control would be 100% effective.
6. Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained.
7. Men would be eager to talk about commitment.
8. They wouldn't think twins were so cute.
9. Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM.
10. Briefcases would be used as diaper bags.
11. Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes.
12. They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy.
13. Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entree's.
14. Women would rule the world.