Stitches

Q: When tying a knot, what causes suture material to break?
A: The jerk on the end of the line. Every time

Depressed Proctologist

Q: Did you hear about the depressed proctologist?
A: He's been feeling down in the dumps.

Psychiatric Hospital Patients

A man goes into a psychiatric hospital to visit one of his buddies. As he is walking out he notices a guy pretending to be swinging a hockey stick. Curious, he asks: What are you doing? The guy replies: I'm Wayne Gretzky, and I'm practicing my shot. Satisfied with the answer the visitor moves on down the hall. He notices another guy pretending to be playing golf. Curious, he asks: What are you doing? The guy replies: I'm Tiger woods and I'm practicing my golf. Satisfied with this response the visitor again moves on down the hall. He then sees another guy sitting in a chair in the nude with a jar of peanuts beside him. This guy takes a peanut, places it on his dick, waits a minute, then flicks into his mouth. Again, curious he asks: What are you doing? The guy replies: I'M FUCKING NUTS!