Extremely Drunk

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face. "Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside. He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud. "Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home." The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep. "You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said. "Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?" "You left your wheelchair at the bar again."

Vengenance

Came out of the store and saw a huge scrape down the side of my car. A couple of witnesses said it was a person in an electric wheelchair. They ran into my car and just kept on going. I just wanted to tell that person I will find you... 
You can hide, but you can't run.

Buddies Go Inside Europe

Two friends, named Harry and George, go on a trip to Europe, where they have a great time. When they get back, Harry meets up with his pal Phil to tell him all about it. "One of the first places we went to was the leaning tower of Pisa. It was really neat." "Cool. Did you go up inside it?" "No, we couldn't, since George is a cripple. But we did go to visit the Cathedral of Notre Dame in Paris. That was really neat." "Cool. Did you go up inside it?" "No, we couldn't, since George is a cripple. But we did go to visit Big Ben in London." "Cool. Did you go up inside it?" "No, we couldn't, since George is a cripple. But we did attend mass at the Vatican." "Really? What happened?" "Well, the Pope made the sign of the cross, and George dropped his right crutch, and he dropped his left crutch." "Cool. What happened then?" "George fell on his ass. He's a cripple, you know."