You're Hired

A man goes into a job interview and presents himself very well. The employer is shocked at how professional he is and says, "Wow, you have an incredible resume and present yourself fantastically, but there is a five year gap on your employment history. What happened there?"
The man replied "Oh that's when I went to Yale."
The employer is even more impressed. "That's great, you're hired!"
The man is super happy and says, "Yay I got a yob!

One Life Saved

A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting read to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below. He thought to himself, "Life isn't so bad after all," and got off the railing. He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life. "Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind." "Dancing? I'm not dancing!" the armless man replied bitterly... "My asshole itches, and I can't scratch it!"

Alzheimer Benefits

Top Two Benefits of having Alzheimer's:
1. You can wrap your own presents.
2. You are always meeting new friends.