Last Musical Request

The inmate on death row is scheduled to be put to death by firing squad. He doesn't request a last meal or anything special for his last day. As he stands before the firing squad he says, "Actually, music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions." The guard nods solemnly and tells him to go ahead. The inmate starts, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall... ."

Heaven and Smoking

Q: Does the Bible say that if you smoke you can't get to heaven?
A: No, but the more you smoke the quicker you'll get there.

Hippie Concoction

With a screech of brakes, an ambulance pulls up at the local casualty ward and a hippie is wheeled out on a gurney. The doctor questions his long-haired colleagues. ''So what was he doing then?'' asks the physician. ''Acid? Cannabis?'' ''Sort of,'' replies one of the hippies, nervously thumbing his caftan. ''But we ran out of gear, so I skinned up a homemade spliff.'' ''And what was in that?'' asks the doctor. ''Um, I kind of raided my girlfriend's spice rack.'' says the hippie. ''There was a bit of cumin, some turmeric and a little paprika.'' ''Well, that explains it,'' the doctor replies, looking at them gravely. ''He is in a Korma.''