A Brain Transplant

A woman diagnosed as having a brain tumor was told by her doctor that she would need the transplant of a one-pound brain. The doctor then asked, "What type of brain do you want?" "What type?" the woman asked. "Yes,"  replied the doctor. "There is a substantial difference in price. For example, a one-pound brain of a surgeon costs $60,000, while you can get a one-pound brain of a nuclear physicist for $50,000, and so on."  "Can you give me a one-pound lawyer's brain? Ever since I was a little girl I've dreamed of being a trial attorney." "That's $250,000," the doctor replied. "Why so much?" the woman asked. "That's over four times what a surgeon's brain costs." "Do you have any idea how many lawyers it takes to produce a pound of brain?"  the doctor replied.

Building Graveyard

Q: Why did the city build a graveyard across the street from the retirement home?
A: So all the old people can see there futures!

Bad One Night Stand

On a long walk in the woods, Johnny found himself out late and decided to look for a place to rest the night. He finally found a hut in the middle of the woods and knocked on the door. An old man answered, and he agreed to give Johnny a bed for the night on one condition: the man's teenaged daughter would be in the other bed, and Johnny was not to touch her or disturb her sleep in any way. Johnny agreed, but changed his mind when he saw how beautiful the sleeping girl was and, while she didn't respond to his caresses, she didn't push him away either. The next morning, Johnny awoke alone, but he figured the girl had gone to do her chores and he eagerly awaited her return. Instead the old man walked in, wiping the tears from his eyes. "What's wrong?" asked Johnny. "Oh, I've just come back from the cemetery -- we had my little girl's funeral this morning. But thank you so much for sitting up with her body last night."