Sick Uncle

My uncle complained to me that I never visited him and that the next time I saw him he would be in a coffin.
Jokes on him.
He was in an urn.

Exorcist Sequel

Q: Have you heard about the sequel to the Exorcist?
A: In the new version, a woman hires the Devil to get a priest out of her son.

Old Local Blacksmith

An old blacksmith realized he was soon going to quit working so hard. He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy. "Just do whatever I tell you to do." One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard." Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith.