Bad Golfing Foursome

Q: What golfing what foursome do you never want to be behind?
A: Monica Lewinsky because she's a hooker; O.J. Simpson, since he's a slicer; Ted Kennedy -- he can't drive over water; and Bill Clinton, because he'll go for any hole.

Best and Brightest

One day Obama was visiting the queen of England. He asked her how she ran such an efficient government. She said, "I only surround myself with intelligent people, watch this" and she called in England's prime minister, David Cameron. She asked him, "If your parents had a child that is not your brother or sister, then who is it?" David replied, "Well, it would have to be me." The queen was very pleased and Obama was very impressed. Out of curiosity when he returned home, he asked Joe Biden the same question, "If your parents have a child that isn't your brother or sister, then who is it?" Biden thought long and hard. "Let me get back to you on that Mr.President." So Biden spends the entire day thinking and researching the question. He runs into former president George Bush and asked him the same question. "George, if your parents had a child that wasn't your brother or sister, then who would it be?" George Bush replied, "Well, it would be me". So Biden runs back to the white house to tell Obama. He said, "I figured it out, it would be George Bush!" Obama replied, "No you dumbfuck, it would be David Cameron"

Mike Tyson Gets Good News

Mike Tyson gets out of jail and proceeds to do what he does best: find a woman with whom he may "commiserate." After a wild night of getting it on, it's time for the young lady to leave. As she's getting dressed, she and Mike are having a conversation.
She says, "Lotsa guys want to know how it was. Well, I have good news and bad news for you. Which would you like first?"
Mike thinks for a moment and says, "What the hell, give me the good news."
She tells him, "The good news is that you're bigger than Magic Johnson."