No Outside Food Allowed

Two guys walk into a bar and sit down to eat their lunches. Then the bartender says, ''Sorry, but you can't eat your own food in here.'' So the two guys look at each other and swap lunches.

Tried That Once

A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink. He replied, "No thanks. I don't drink. I tried it once, but I didn't like it." So the bartender said, "Well, would you like a cigarette?" But the man said, "No thanks. I don't smoke. I tried it once, but I didn't like it." The bartender asked him if he'd like to play a game of pool, and again the man said, "No thanks. I don't like pool. I tried it once, but I didn't like it. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be here at all, but I'm waiting for my son." The bartender said, "Your only son, I'm guessing."

Bishop Brews

A bishop walks straight into a bar and orders a beer.
"You can't do that," the bartender says. "You can only move diagonally."