Two Lesbians In A Bar

Two lesbians were standing at a bar drinking when another girl waved from across the bar. "Who is that babe?" one said to the other. "I'd sure like to get her spread out on my sheets." "No you wouldn't," said the other. "She's hung like a doughnut."

Broke Drinker

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?" The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking. "You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have." The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?" The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."

Need to Stop Meeting Like This

One of the most awkward things that can happen in a bar is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronized with a complete stranger.