Fault and Symptoms of Drinking

Symptom: Drinking fails to satisfy and the front of your shirt is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open when drinking or glass applied to wrong part of face.
Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Improper bladder control.
Symptom: Floor blurred.
Fault: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
Symptom: Floor moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Symptom: Everyone looks hideous.
Fault: Either you haven't had enough to drink, or they've flipped on the lights for last call.

Blondes in a Pickup Truck

Four blondes drive to a bar in their old pickup truck. Three sit in the cab and one sits in the bed of the truck. The three blondes go into the bar and order a round of shots. Almost an hour later, the fourth blonde finally joins them. "Where have you been?" they ask. Clearly frustrated, she responds, "Well, you all forgot to open the tail gate!"

Wife at a Singles Bar

"I met my wife at a singles' bar." "Really?" "I thought she was home with the kids."