The Queen's Legs

There were two men sitting on a wall outside a pub called the Queen's Legs. A policeman came along and said, "What are you doing?" The two men said, "We're were waiting for the Queen's Legs to open so we can have a drink."

Don't Serve Food

A man walks into a bar with a cheese sandwich under his arm. "A pint of Guinness for me and the cheese sandwich," he says to the barman. "I'm sorry, sir," replies the barman, "we don't serve food in here."

Marriage Advice

My marriage counselor said, "When your wife annoys you, go to your happy place." I replied, "That'll make things worse. She hates when I go to the bar."