The Ballerina

This nasty, sweaty woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walks into a bar.  She raises her right arm, revealing a big hairy armpit as she points to all the people sitting at the bar and asks, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"  The whole bar goes dead silent, as the patrons try to ignore her. At the end of the bar, a skinny little drunk slams his hand on the bar and says, "Bartender, I want to buy that ballerina a drink!"  The bartender pours the drink and the woman chugs it down.  After she's completed the drink, she turns again to the patrons and points around at all of them, again revealing her hairy armpit and saying, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"  Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and says, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the ballerina another drink!"  After serving the lady her second drink, the bartender approaches the little drunk and states, "It's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you call her a ballerina?"  The drunk replies, "Sir, in my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina!"

The Drunk and the Nun

There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk. I mean really, really, really drunk! When the bar closed he got up to go home.  As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face!  Well the nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again. This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt.  Then he picked her up and threw her into a wall.  By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move.  So then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said. "Not very strong tonight, are you Batman?"

Christmas Party Warning

A warning to all you drivers, be careful about drunk driving as we're getting close to Christmas and Police are out there checking on people. Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many cocktails and then went onto the wine. Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at the pub and took a bus home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint, where they were pulling over drivers and performing breathalyzer tests. Because I was in a Bus they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a bus before and I am not even sure where I got it from.