Golden Bar

One night, a wife is up late waiting for her husband to come home. ''Where have you been?'' she asks him when he walks in the door. ''Oh honey, you wouldn't believe it. I went to this new bar called the Golden Bar. It had gold ashtrays, gold stools, gold cups, and even gold toilets,'' replies her husband, who is plainly drunk. The wife thinks once about it but then goes to bed. The next day she finds the Golden Bar's phone number and calls it up. ''Hello, is this the Golden Bar?'' she asks. ''Yes, this is, ma'am,'' replies the man on the other line. ''Yes, my husband told me about your bar and I was wondering if you would answer some questions. One, do you have golden ashtrays?'' ''Yes.'' ''Do you have golden stools?'' ''Yes.'' ''Do you have golden cups?'' ''Yes.'' ''Do you have golden toilets?'' There is a pause on the phone, then a couple seconds later she hears the man speak. ''Hey Jimmy,'' he calls into the bar, ''I think we found out who shit in your tuba!''

Too Many Beers

So I said "Hey man, that's my beer." Then he says, "No man, that's my beer." Then the beers say, "No man, we're our own beers." That's when we realized we had too many beers.

Drunk Blowup Dolls

Two drunk guys try to pick up some girls. The girls take the drunk guys home, slip blowup dolls into their beds and leave. The next morning, the one guy tells the other guy, "I think my girl was a witch! When I bit her on the tit, she hissed and flew away."