Drunk on Trial

A drunk appears in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says, "Okay, let's get started!"

A Duck Walks Into A Bar

A Duck walks into a bar,
Duck: You got any bread?
Barman: No, sorry, we don't have any bread [After a few minutes]
Duck: You got any bread?
Barman: Look, we don't have any bread [In a little while]
Duck: You got any bread?
Barman: We don't have any fucking bread!
Duck: Got any bread?
Barman: If you ask me if I've got any fucking bread once more I'm gonna nail your fucking bill to this bar.
Duck: You got any nails?
Barman: NO!
Duck: You got any bread?

Out Drinking

Two friends were out drinking when suddenly one lurched backward off his barstool and lay motionless on the floor. "One thing about Jim," his buddy said to the bartender, "he knows when to stop."