The Drunk and the Nun

There was a guy in a bar one night that got really drunk. I mean really, really, really drunk! When the bar closed he got up to go home.  As he stumbled out the door he saw a nun walking on the sidewalk. So he stumbled over to the nun and punched her in the face!  Well the nun was really surprised but before she could do or say anything he punched her again. This time she fell down and he stumbled over to her and kicked her in the butt.  Then he picked her up and threw her into a wall.  By this time the nun was pretty weak and couldn't move.  So then he stumbled over to her, put his face right next to hers and said. "Not very strong tonight, are you Batman?"

One Too Many

This guy goes into a bar and orders a beer. As he sits drinking, he notices a peanut jump out of the dish before him. The peanut proceeds to talk, "hey there buddy," it hollers, "you're looking mighty fine tonight!" The guy can't believe what he is seeing. 'This sure is some strong beer!' He thinks to himself before getting up to go to the toilet. On his way back to the bar, the guy walks past a cigarette machine which appears to speak, "hey asshole, go screw yourself!" it yells. The guy can't believe it and decides to ask the bartender what's going on. "Hey bartender, I swear to god that one of those peanuts over there just started a conversation with me and on the way back from the men's room, your cigarette machine just swore at me.'' "Let me explain," replies the bartender "the peanuts are complimentary and the cigarette machine is out of order."

A Brain Walks Into A Bar

A brain walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a pint of beer please." The barman looks at him and says, "Sorry, I can't serve you." "Why not?" asks the brain. "You're already out of your head."