Give the Dog Some Money

A guy and a dog walk into a bar. The guy is bragging to everyone that his dog can talk . The bartender calls him over and says, "So your dog can talk, huh?" The guy says yes. Then the bartender says, "So, if I gave your dog a dollar he would go out and buy me a newspaper?" The guy says yes, gives the dog a dollar and sends him out. Three hours later the dog hasn't come back yet, so the owner and the bartender go looking for him. A block from the bar, they look down an alley and see the dog humping a female dog. The guy yells, "Wow, I've never seen you do that before!"
The dog says, "Well I've never had money before."

Nun in a Pub

A nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walked into a neighborhood pub. The place was hopping with music and dancing but every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time after the lights would go out the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked," May I please use the restroom?"
The bartender replied, "I really don't think you should."
"Why not? " the nun asked.
"Well, there is a statue of a naked man in there, and his most private part is covered only by a fig leaf."
"Nonsense," said the nun, "I'll just look the other way."
So the bartender showed the nun the door at the top of the stairs, and she proceeded to the restroom. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place was hopping with music and dancing again. However, they did stop just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender. "Would you like a drink?"
"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf is lifted on the statue, the lights go out in the whole place. Now, how about that drink, Sister ??"

Drunk While Stealing

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.
February 1, 1993. James Macdonald and William Shoesmith, both 26, were sentenced to five years in prison for bank robbery. According to his lawyer, Macdonald hated his robbery work and had to drink before each job. For what was to be the pair's last job, he got fall-down drunk and had to be carried by Shoesmith into the bank to pull off the heist. The two were soon captured.