Bar Ghost Encounter

Two drunk guys stumble out of a bar and get into their car. After they've been driving for a while, they see a ghostly face appear at the window. "It's a ghost, dude!" "Roll down the window, ask him what he wants!" The driver rolls down the window, and asks the ghost. "You got a smoke?" They give him a smoke, and the face goes away. A few minutes later, the face returns. "You got a light?" They give a light, and the face goes away. A few minutes later, the face returns. "You guys need help getting out the mud?"

On the House

Q: Can you get free drinks by sleeping with the bartender?
A: It's worth a shot.

Alien Abduction

Harry, Bill and Steve are sitting at the corner bar, when Ted walks in looking distressed. "Ted, you look awful. What's wrong?" Harry asks. Ted says, "Last night I got really drunk and I was abducted by an alien." Everyone is shocked. Bill asks, "What did the alien do to you?" "All I remember is being anally probed," Ted says.
Everyone is horrified. "I heard that they'll do that!" Steve says. "What did the alien look like?" Ted responds, "Karl."