Conductor's House

Q: Why are conductors' hearts popular for transplants?
A: They've had little use.

Nice Try

Organized a day of entertainment to try and raise money for charity. The police turned up, shut it down, and closed off the area.
My fete is sealed

Here's Your Punishment

"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant. "You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter." "Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"