That Was No Piccolo

Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?" The other replies, "That was no piccolo, that was my wife."

Tie Saplings To A Piano

Q: What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?
A: Root position cords.

Violin Barb

Q: Why is a violinist like a Scud missile?
A: Both are offensive and inaccurate.