Yo Mama - Head and Rain

Yo' Mama's head is so big, when it rains, her clothes don't get wet.

Happens all the time

A guy starts talking to two women in a bar, they turnout to be Siamese twins, and they wind up back at his apartment. He makes love to one, and then starts to work on the other. He realizes that the first one might get bored watching, so he her asks what she'd like to do. She says, "Is that a trombone in the corner? I'd love to play your trombone." So she plays it while he screws her sister. A few weeks later, the girls are walking past the guy's apartment building. One of the girls says, "Let's stop up and see that guy." The other girl says, "Gee...do you think he'd remember us?"

Pirate Tales

A young boy was walking along the docks one day admiring the ships, when a man walked up behind him and said, “Thinking of becoming a sailor?”
“Yes, I am!” replied the boy.
“Well,” the man said, “I have sailed many years and have had many adventures.” The boy looked the man up and down, and saw that he had an eye patch, a peg leg, and a hook.
“I would love to hear of your adventures,” said the boy.
“Well,” the man said, “I was sailing around the Cape of Good Hope when I encountered pirates. They boarded my boat and I fought them 'til there was only one left. But before he got away he cut off my leg!”
“That sounds terrible!” exclaimed the boy.
“Aye lad, it was, but I got over it and continued sailing the seas.”
“How did you get the hook?” inquired the boy.
“I was once again sailing around the Cape of Good Hope on my way home when I encountered the same pirate with a whole new crew. They boarded me again and I fought down to the last man, only this time as he got away, he cut of my hand!”
“That is awful!” the boy once again exclaimed.
“Aye lad, but again I got over it and continued sailing the seas.”
“Tell me how you got the eye patch! Was it the pirates again?”
“No lad, this time I was just out finishing one day, I heard the cry of a gull, and when I looked up it sh*t in me eye!”
“Pardon me sir, but I didn’t know you could lose an eye from gull sh*t.”
“Well lad, 'twas the first day with the hook!!!”