Two Blokes Were Out Walking Home From Work One Afternoon

Two blokes were out walking home from work one afternoon."Shit," said the first bloke, "as soon as I get home, I'm gonna rip the wife's knickers off!" "What's the rush?" his mate asked."The bloody elastic in the legs is killing me," the bloke replied.

Skeleton Who Won't Get Up

Q: What do you call a skeleton who won't get up in the mornings?
A: Lazy bones!

Short Insult

You're so short, your hair smells like feet.