350 Pound Stripper

Q: What do you call a 350-pound stripper?
A: Broke!

The Elegant Crapper

A man with greasy jeans, a flannel shirt, and work boots approaches the headwaiter in an elegant restaurant. The man says, "Hey buddy, where's your crapper?" The headwaiter calmly replies, "Go down the hall and turn left. When you see the sign marked 'Gentlemen,' pay absolutely no attention to it and go right inside."

Fast Weight Loss

A woman walks into her doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast." And the doctor says, "Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your butt." Two months later she comes in and says, "Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was." But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down, up and down... and he asks, "But where did you get this twitch?" The woman replies, "I don't have a nervous twitch, I'm chewing bubble gum."