Catching Polar Bears

How to catch a polar bear:

1. Go up north and find a frozen lake or pond.
2. Cut a large hole in the ice.
3. Open a can of green peas, and place the peas around the edge of the hole single file.
4. Hide behind a nearby rock.
5. When the bear comes up to take a pea, kick him in the ice-hole!

Buy Alligator Shoes

A man was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However, he was not prepared to pay the high prices, and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting "I don't give two hoots for your shoes man, I'll go and kill my own "croc!," to which the shopkeeper replied, "by all means, just watch out for those two "ole boys" who are doing the same!" So the man went out into the Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. 'They must be the 'ole boys' he thought. Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The guy stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow the him, he struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several were already laying. Together, the two guys threw the gator onto its back, where-upon one exclaimed "Darn! This one doesn't have any shoes either!"
 

Baby Seal

A baby seal walked into a club.