One Mile A Day

Q: What was the snail doing on the highway?
A: About one mile a day!

Promiscuous Reptile

Q: Did you hear about the promiscuous reptile? 
A: It got gator AIDS.

Mice in an Apartment

This guy was having a problem with mice in his apartment. "Dude," he told a friend, "I've tried everything and those damn mice keep coming back." "I had the same thing man," his friend says. "All you have to do is stuff steel wool in their little holes." "That's it?" the guy asked. "I'll do it tonight if it means getting rid of the damn rodents." About a week later the guy gets a call. "How's it going with the mice, buddy?" "Not so good, dude." "What's the problem?" his friend asks. "To be honest, I'm having a lot of trouble holding their little legs apart."