Experimental Surgery

Jack goes to the doctor and says "Doc I'm having trouble getting my penis erect, can you help me?" After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "Well the problem with you is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you except if you're willing to try an experimental treatment." Jack asks sadly, "What is this treatment?" "Well," the doctor explains, "what we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your penis." Jack thinks about it silently then says, "Well the thought of going through life without ever having sex again is too much, lets go for it." A few weeks after the operation Jack was given the green light to use his improved equipment. He planned a romantic evening for his girl friend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the city. In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being uncomfortable. To release the pressure Jack unzipped his fly. His penis immediately sprung from his pants, went to the top of the table, grabbed a dinner roll and then returned to his pants. His girl friend was stunned at first but then said with a sly smile, "That was incredible! Can you do that again?" Jack replied, "Well, I guess so, but I'm not sure I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!"

The Best Book On Elephants

The UN sponsored a competition on which nation can produce the best book on elephants. The British submited a dry historical account "The Elephant and the British Empire." The French submited a text  "The Sensuality of the Elephant -- a Personal Account." The Germans submited 47 Volumes entitled "An Elementary Introduction to the Foundation of the Science of the Elephant's Ear." The Americans submited an article from "Money" magazine: "Elephants -- the Perfect Tax Shelter for the 80s". Green-Peace submited a counter-entry "Elephants -- they're better than People" The Russians submited a terse manuscript titled  "The superiority of the Soviet Elephant" and submited a poem "The Joy and Freedom Brought forth by the Soviet Elephant." But the Japanese won with their Promotional Flier  "We have no Elephants but wouldn't you want to buy a Honda instead"

In A Elephant Graveyard

Q: What do you find in an elephants graveyard?
A: Elephantoms!