Dogs and Light Bulbs

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. Then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Rottweiler: Make me!

Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh?

Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls.

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Mastiff: Screw it yourself! I'm not afraid of the dark...

Doberman: While it's out, I'll just take a nap on the couch.

Boxer: Who needs light? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there!

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb?

Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle... Old English Sheep dog: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

Basset Hound: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Westie: Dogs do not change light bulbs -- people change light bulbs. I am not one of THEM so the question is, how long before I can expect my light again?

Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out bulb?

The Best Time?

Q: When is the best time to fake an orgasm?
A: When a rotteweiler is f**king your leg.

Policeman Encounters Seeing Eye Dog

A policeman was directing traffic at a busy intersection when he observed a blind man and his seeing-eye dog waiting to cross. To his horror, he watched as the seeing-eye dog bolted across the street, dragging the blind man behind him. On the other side of the road, the man pulled out a cookie and offered it to his dog. The officer ran to the blind man and said, "Don't you realize your dog could have killed you, and now you're going to reward him?" The blind man said to the policeman, "Why, no sir, I'm just trying to find out where his head is so I can kick his ass."