Jesus Gonna Get You

A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber ignored it, and takes the TV. Again, the parrot cries out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber started to get a little worried. "What's your name, birdie?" "Moses." "What dumbass named you Moses?" "The same dumbass who called his rottweiler Jesus."

Elephant on His Head

A boy with an elephant on his head went to see a doctor. The doctor said, "You know you really need help" "Yes I do", said the elephant, "get this kid off my foot!"

Chicken Cross the Road Answers

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Pat Buchanan answers this question: "To steal a job from a decent , hard-working American."
A: Dr. Seuss answers this question: "Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why? It's not been told."
A: Grandpa answers this question: "In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us."
A: And Colonel Sanders answers this question: "I missed one?"