Top Signs You're an Alcoholic

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
2. You have to hold on to the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth.
3. Your job starts to interfere with your drinking.
4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
5. You fall off the floor.
6. That damn pink elephant followed you home again.
7. You have a reserved parking space at the liquor store.
8. Your career won't progress beyond Senator of Massachusetts.

Bear and a Deer

Q: What do you get when you cross a bear with a deer?
A: Beer
 

Atomic Cocktail

Q: Did you here about the new atomic cocktail?
A: One sip and you go out with a poof.