Grandma is a Prostitute

I was disappointed when I found out my gran was a prostitute. Not as disappointed as when I found out she doesn't do family discount though.

Energizer Bunny

While trying to impress a girl I told her I was like the Energizer Bunny. She rolled her eyes and said "Because you can keep going and going?"
"No" I replied "I can play the drum"

Call Out

I was in the supermarket earlier when I saw a kid having a tantrum, laying on the floor kicking and screaming. I asked his mother "Have you slapped him?" She looked insulted and snapped "No I haven't!" "Well why the hell not?" I asked