American University Grading Procedures

DEPT OF STATISTICS: - All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.
DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY: - Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.
DEPT OF HISTORY: - All students get the same grade they got last year.
DEPT OF RELEGION: - Grade is determined by God.
DEPT OF PHILOSOPHY: - What is a grade?
LAW SCHOOL: - Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.
DEPT OF MATHEMATICS: - Grades are variable.
DEPT OF COMPUTER SCIENCE: - If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.
MUSIC DEPARTMENT: - Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively).
DEPT OF PHYSICAL EDUCATION: - Everybody gets an A.

When the Boy Started Kindergarten

When the boy started Kindergarten, the teacher asked all the children to give their first name. When she got to the little boy in the second row, he said: "I'll give you a hint. First it's in your hand, then it's in your mouth, and then it's in your tummy." The teacher smiled and said, "OK, Dick, sit down."

How Old Are You?

A student asked his teacher how old she was. She promptly said, "39 and holding." Then the student asked, "Well, then, how old would you be if you let go?"