Things to do visiting your Therapist

Some ways to make sure you get an interesting prescription:

1.  Ask to borrow a comb, comb your tongue.
2. Take random objects in his office and glue them to the floor.
3. Refuse to cooperate unless he trades his pants.
4. Bring pots and pans. Bang them together when he asks a question you don't like.  
5. After everything he says, say, "And how does that make you feel?"  
6. Point at random things and say, "Where did you get that?"
7. Complain that his chair looks more comfortable.  
8. Repeat over and over, "I'm not hanging out with a bad influence, I AM a bad influence!".  
9. Sit underneath your chair.
10. Stand on your head.
11. Kill spiders on the wall with your fist, eat what sticks to your hand and leave the rest sticking to the wall; Draw a circle around it to make sure everyone sees it.
12. Never stop smiling.
13. Scream every word.
14. Repeatedly tell him to look at the ceiling; when he finally does, repeatedly tell him to look at the chair; when he finally does, repeatedly tell him to look at the desk, etc...
15. Put your shoes on the wrong feet.
16. Try to seduce him with chocolate donuts.
17. Try to talk him into sitting on the floor.
18. Tell him Matlock is the key to all your problems.
19. Eat his books.
20. Talk to his leg.
21. Don't face him when he talks to you. 
22. Talk really slowly.
23. Try to eat your hand.
24. If he offers you coffee, ask him to spill it on your lap.
25. Make sure you make butt-prints in his couch.
26. Pretend you hear music.
27. Tell him you think his secretary is really a man.
28. Pretend to drink.
29. Offer him an imaginary cookie.

No Card

Two proctologists are discussing their most baffling cases. One proctologist tells the other one about the time he put his hand into a patient and pulled out a large bouquet of flowers. The other proctologist looked really amazed and asked, "Where did those flowers come from?" The other proctologist answered very cooly, "How should I know? There wasn't any card!!"

Examination Room

A man went into the proctologist's office for his first exam. The doctor told him to have a seat in the examination room and that he would be with him in just a few minutes. Well, when the man sat down in the examination room, he noticed that there were three items on a stand next to the doctor's desk: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer. When the doctor came in, the man said, "Look Doc, this is my first exam... I know what the K-Y is for... and I know what the glove is for... but what's the BEER for?" At this instant, the doctor became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door. The doc flung the door open and yelled to his nurse, "Come on, nurse!!!... I said a BUTT LIGHT!!!"