Shopping Mall

A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall.  He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"  The cop asked, "What's he like?"  The little boy replied, "Beer and women with big tits."

How Did You Do That?

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

Thankful He's Drunk

The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.  A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk"  The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"  "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."  Obviously relieved, the wino said, "That's a relief - I thought I was a cripple."