Piss Off a Pilot

Q: Do you know what happens if you piss of a pilot?
A: He takes off.

Navigator and Pilot

The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, then asked the navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?" The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?" The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!" The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and placed it on his chart table. The pilot asked, "What's that for?" "To be honest sir," the navigator replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."

Bad Airline

The Top 10 Signs You're Flying On A Bad Airline

1. The engine's being held on by duct tape.
2. You see the Gorilla from those old Samsonite commercials running loose up and down the aisles.
3. In-flight movie has "Ernest" in its title.
4. Pilot informs you that you're at cruising altitude and he's gonna put the top down.
5. Instead of Peanuts, you get a healthy helping of SPAM.
6. As you're taking off, the stewardess mentions the phrase "Guest Pilot Program". 
7. The seats are wet due to flotation device moisture.
8. The stewardess asks you to join the Mile High Club... and "she" has a beard and bigger arms than you!
9. Pilot asks if there is anyone else who wants a shot of Beam before he finishes the bottle.
10. You look down and see a copy of "Fixing a Plane for Dummies" by the mechanic's feet.