Stupid Rednecks

A ventriloquist working down south, is confronted by a theater patron during his show. The hick stands up and yells, "HEY YOU! ON STAGE! You been making smart-ass remarks about us rednecks being stupid all night long! We're not all stupid ya know!" "Relax," said the ventriloquist, "They're just jokes!" "Shut up, buddy," the hick replied, "I'm talking to that little bastard sitting on your knee!"

Opposites

If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress?

Everyone Is Busy

Sales person: Hello, may I speak to the man of the house please?
Youngster: (whispering) No, he's busy.
Sales person: Well then, can I please speak to your mother?
Youngster: (in a whisper) She's busy too.
Sales person: I see, how about your brother or sister?  Can I speak to him?
Youngster: (whispering) No. They're both busy too.
Sales person: (losing patience) Is there anybody else there I could talk to???
Youngster: (in a whisper) Yeah, the police are here... but they are busy too....
Sales person: ( by now quite exasperated) What are all these people doing that keeps them so busy?!!!
Youngster: (still whispering) Looking for me.