What Do Your Parents Do?

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first. What does your mother do all day?" Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor." "That's wonderful. How about you, Amy?" Amy shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman." "Thank you, Amy" said the teacher. "What does your parent do, Billy?" Billy proudly stood up and announced, "Nothing. He's an economist."

Starbucks Visit

A philosopher, a mathematician, and a physicist were at Starbucks. The mathematician turns to the physicist sitting next to him and says "You know, physics is just applied mathematics!"
They all have a good laugh, at which point the philosopher interjects from across the table. "And mathematics is just applied philosophy!" The laughter roars even louder, and then the physicist turns to the philosopher.
"Shut the fuck up and make my coffee."

Guard Duty

Q: What do you call a guard with 100 legs?
A: A sentrypede!