Signs and Notices Continued

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
Sign on a scientist's door: "Gone fission."
Sign in a taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
Sign in a podiatrist's window: "Time wounds all heels."
Sign in a butcher's window: "Let me meat your needs."
Sign on used car lot: "Second hand cars in first crash condition."
Sign on fence: "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."
Sign in a car dealership office: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Sign over a cannibal's hut: "I never met a man I didn't like."
Sign in a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."

To Do

Q: What do you call that day when you finally do all the chores and work you've let pile up?
A: Tomorrow

Interview With Post Office

A guy applied for a job at a post office and got an interview. During the interview, the man mentioned that his penis got blown off in the war. The boss didn't care so much about that and they needed a mailman badly so he gave him the job. "Come in on Monday at 11:00. Everybody else comes in at 10:00, but I'll give you a break." "Why?" "Well, we don't have much to do in the morning, so we jack off for an hour or so."