I've got a rash

A man goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, I've got a rash round my cock, have you got anything for it?"
The doctor said "Put this on and come back next week if it doesn't work."
The man comes back the next week and the cream hadn't worked, so he tells the doctor. The doctor gives him more cream and tells him to come back next week if it doesn't work. The man comes back and the cream still hasn't worked, so the doctor says "Drop your pants."
The man drops his pants and the doctor has a look and tells him to put another cream on. The man then says "Doctor it's worked!! What was that?"
The doctor replies "Lipstick remover"

Where's My Cookie

Last year, a guy went to a doctor because he was losing weight. He found out he had a tapeworm, and was instructed by the doctor to bring a muffin, a Twinkie, and a cookie with him on his next visit. When he was being examined at the next visit, the doctor shoved the muffin, the Twinkie, and the cookie up the guy's ass. The patient protested, but the doctor calmed him down, saying it was part of the therapy. This treatment continued for several weeks and every time the doctor shoved a muffin, a Twinkie, and a cookie up his ass. Finally, after many visits, the Doctor instructed the patient to bring a muffin, a Twinkie, and a mallet for the next visit. The day arrived and this time the doctor shoved only the muffin and the Twinkie up the patient's ass. After a few minutes the tapeworm appeared out of his asshole and demanded, "Where's my cookie!?" WHAM!

A Famous Surgeon on Safari in Africa

A famous surgeon went on a safari in Africa. When he came back, his colleagues asked him how it had been. "Oh, it was very disappointing," he said. "I didn't kill a thing. I'd have been better off staying here in the hospital!"