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Profession Jokes - Lawyer Jokes
Up in Heaven
A petty thief, a teacher and a lawyer die and go to heaven. When they get there they are stopped by St. Peter, who then says, "Sorry, heaven's crowding up, so you need to answer a question correctly, or else you can't get in. "He looks at the teacher, and asks her: "What was the name of the famous ocean-liner that sank after hitting an iceberg?"
"Oh, that's easy," the teacher replied, "the Titanic." So St. Peter let her into heaven. Next he turned to the petty thief.
"How many people died on that ship?" St. Peter asked.
"Oooh, that's tough, but I saw the movie, and it was 1,500." St. Peter stepped away and the thief walked into heaven. Finally, St. Peter turned to the lawyer. He simply said to him:
"Name them."
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Attorney Fee Schedule
A lawyer calls his client to tell him about his fee schedule. "Alright," the lawyer says looking through his papers. "You owe me $1000 down and $417.58 cents each month for the next thirty-six months." "What! That sounds like a car payment schedule," retorted the client. "Your right. It's mine."
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Small Mistake
The divorce court was attentive as the wealthy Yuppette complained to the Judge that her husband had left her bed and board. When she had finished, the husband's lawyer rose to his feet and coolly replied, "Your Honor, I have a slight correction in the typing of the charging documents. My client claims that he left her bed 'bored'."
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